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Divorce after abuse is going to be a challenge, but you can do it

On Behalf of | Jun 6, 2019 | Divorce

Staying in an abusive relationship is hard, and it is unsafe. Trying to leave is often met with resistance of various types. Not only might you have to contend with your spouse’s reactions when you make the decision to leave, you also have to deal with your own thoughts and emotions. Together, all of this can be complicated and challenging.

Your top priority through it all must be remaining safe. If you are in immediate danger, you should leave, even if it means you need to go to a shelter temporarily. If you aren’t in immediate danger and have time to plan, you should think about some factors before you walk away.

Mental barriers

Often, the abuser is going to control you by turning your own mind against you. They might make you feel as though you can’t live without them or that you aren’t anything without them. You have to set up mental barriers to combat this because without them, you are likely going to start believing what they are saying.

Prepare for a battle

When you are going through a divorce, it becomes you against your spouse. An abusive person is going to take this to an extreme by using abusive legal tactics and possibly manipulation to get what they want. They might try to do everything they can to make you look like a bad person. This can include making claims that you abused them or that you are an unfit parent. You have to be willing and ready to battle against these actions.

Remain cautious

One thing that you have to remember is that your ex might be fighting everything you say simply for the purpose of increasing your legal bills. You have to know when they are using this tactic so that you can determine how to fight back. Just make sure that you don’t accept a horrible settlement for the sole purpose of getting the process over with. You need to find a good balance so that you can have the start you need for your new life while not allowing your ex to control you any longer.

You also need to ensure that you are remaining safe. This might mean that you need to get a protective order against your ex. Knowing what options you have and planning your exit from the marriage one step at a time can be beneficial to you and your future.